be still my beating heart

wow. we blinked and just like that, October is a mere memory!  I've been horrible with keeping up with the blog, but here are a few pictures I put together of our festive month.  Why oh why, do these kids have to grow so fast?!?! I hate it!

We leave for Ethiopia in just 2 weeks!  Every single picture, video and update I get of this precious little one makes me fall more and more in love with her.  I've been trying to mentally and emotionally prepare myself, but really, how can you?  We will be in Ethiopia for 10 days and I want to just soak up every. single. moment. 

someone can't sleep!!!

that would be me.  because it's my birthday, and I feel like a giddy kid on her special day all over again because the surprises just keep. on. coming.

I woke up feeling that it would be a pretty average "adult birthday"... you know, exciting, but c'mon, not as exciting as the birthday's of the past, when you're younger, kidless and the whole world revolves around you on your special day.
but today was different, much different...and special in ways that I never saw coming.  and not just because I started it with a donut and coffee and ended it with a cupcake and coffee.  (yes, you read that right: donut-coffee-cupcake-coffee). oh, let me fill you in on the in-between!

Hubby's out of town in San Francisco all week so I was mentally upping the mommy mode.  Got everyone out the door on time, dropped G off at school, headed to spin class at the gym (which I almost talked myself out of, but really wanted that donut, so thought i MUST go burn it off), so treated myself and boys to Starbucks and donuts.  B had been asking where I was going to have my birthday party and I had told him Starbucks, so as we sat in the long drive-thru line he asked if all the cars in line were there for my party (sweet boy).  after the gym, we ran usual errands then back home for a few hours of playing outside in the sunshine and nap time.  About noon I received these lovely things from Kirk.

then i spent time opening cards from family and talking to friends on the phone.  at 2:21p.m. a number popped up that i quickly glanced at, i almost didn't answer it, i thought the area code said 816, which is the boys' treatment center in Kansas City.  They call frequently for various reasons and i had just talked with their nurse the day before about some lab results so i immediately thought it was her again, needing info.  but since the boys were resting and i had time, i answered it.  the voice on the other end was NOT the monotone, granny nurse from KC.  it was a perky, young caseworker from Fort Worth, TX saying she had some good news for me!  I had misread the area code, as i often do.  Ft. Worth's area code is 817, so I've misread this numerous times before only to get my hopes up and then they come crashing down.  But not today!  Before she ever even told me the good news i was so shocked that i immediately started crying tears of joy and said "you've got to be kidding, it's my birthday!!"  she responded with a genuine laugh and said "well it's mine too! what a great day! i have a court date for you!"  and the rest of the conversation i can barely recollect.  except that blessed day, November 21.  we have to be over in Ethiopia the week before and will meet our sweet pea face to face, cheek to cheek and heart to heart on FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 18!!!

the rest of the afternoon was a blur, i vaguely remember greeting G at the bus stop and taking her to gymnastics, while barely putting down my phone.  then i had promised the kids chick fil a for dinner (and again, B was wondering when all my friends were going to show up for my birthday party).  in the midst of the chaotic day, we made it home and kids got in bed.  after checking my emails I had looked over one of the many received from the caseworker and one was our monthly update of sweet pea! (our agency sends us monthly updates with baby's measurements, sleeping and eating patterns, milestones and pictures!)  And i think we got the best picture of her yet, she was sitting up on a blanket on the floor, playing and smiling from ear to ear!  it was the sweetest icing on my birthday cake....ever.

after skyping with my mom and dad, i was about to come undone from the emotional and joyful day when my dear friend came to the door with a carafe of coffee and a box of cupcakes to celebrate with me.  RICK'S cupcakes.  :)  yep, she's a true friend.

what a day!  i am still just soaking it all in.  i am so very blessed beyond words.  my dearest friend made the tears flow all over again when she texted me "oh praise the Lord, Becca.  That is how much He loves you!!" and it's so true and so sweet...His love for us. and I feel it 10,000 times over today.

a farewell to summer

booooo. where did the season go?  I woke up yesterday and it was Fall.  Grace is in 1st grade, my baby is in a big boy bed and life continues at the pace of a sprinting jaguar.

Wow, how I've been a lousy blogger over the past few months.  Very few updates, fewer pictures.  But our house is full, and our days are busy.  Blogging just hasn't been a priority, and truth be told, most of my free time on the computer is spent on my newest addiction, pinterest.  :)

Throughout the summer I had in mind all of these great post ideas and just never got around to them and now, my memory of yesterday is a blur,  but we did have a wonderful and fun-filled summer.  Here is the highlighted/short version:
JUNE: We got a dog, yes, we did!  Meet Margot Butch Robbins. She's a rescue dog that we got from Joplin shortly after the tornado. She's a sweetie and the kids are loving her. Kirk and I got to get away for a few nights ALONE since who knows when, it was heaven.

JULY: Grace went to San Francisco for a week with my parents and my niece. Still can't believe she is old enough to travel without us, they had a blast and she made so many good memories.  The boys and I spent 7 days trotting around New Mexico visiting a lot of friends and a lot of family. Our time there was wonderful, the road trip to and from, however, was pretty awful.  (I forgot my camera so don't have really good pics of that week.)  And drum roll please....Kirk finished school...hopefully forever.

AUGUST/SEPTEMBER: I got to go to Dallas for a weekend of fun with a friend and experienced my first ever visit to IKEA!  pure. happiness.  Grace started 1st grade.  Kirk got to visit some of our dearest friends from college on a quick trip to Madison.  We also switched all the kids' rooms in the house to make room for baby, it's been a messy adjustment but we're getting there, slowly.

So, there's summer 2011 in a nutshell, now welcome Fall.  Hopefully I won't be much of a stranger.

a special gift

Our good friends Scott and Mollie were in Ethiopia for their first trip last week.  Their son is just a few months older than our daughter and they have shared time in the same care center.  While they were there, they gave us the best gift ever, a visit to Sweet Pea.  They got to hold her, snuggle her, pray over her and take pictures.  Mollie captured her smile for me for the first time.  She assured me that her Special Mama's (caretakers) love her to pieces and she is being taken care of so well.  She was able to tell me details, like only a mom can.  In her words, she looks like an "Ethiopian Robbins!" It was a priceless gift and we are so very thankful for the love our dear friends were able to pass on to Sweet Pea.  Thank you Page's.  What a small world we live in, what a big God we serve.

Mollie snuggling Sweet Pea, see her cute little fingers?!?

sweet pea's "birth" story

ok, I know this might be a boring post to many so please feel free to skip.  I even debated whether or not to post this, but we're doing it for HER.  We want to remember these details so we can tell her one day.  Then again, don't most mama's like to retell their birth stories?  That's kind of what we consider this to be, a very climactic point in our adoption journey.

Becca's version:
As with any natural birth, a mom always has it in her head the way she dreams the event playing out, and it almost NEVER happens that way.  This was no different!  Kirk was at home in Arkansas, me and the boys were in Ruidoso, NM visiting my in-laws, and Grace was in San Francisco with my parents.  It was Friday afternoon and after a morning full of shopping with the boys and Nonnie, I was laying down for a nap, by myself, a rare occasion.  Our caseworker tried to get a hold of me first, then Kirk.  We ended up getting on a 3 way conference call 20 minutes later.  As I sat in front of the computer and opened up the email to see those first pictures, I remember laughing first because she was so cute, and then crying as our caseworker began to tell us her story.  It was such an emotional phone call, so many details, documents and pictures to pour over.  I think I only retained about 10% of all the information at the time, I couldn't stop scrolling through the pictures.  It was raining and thundering outside and I began to feel lonely, lonely that we weren't all together for this special call, yes, but more lonely for this sweet baby that I was meeting for the first time through pictures, half way around the world, who's mama wanted to pick her up and hold her so tight and tell her everything was ok and how much she was loved....oh, how she was loved! To me, she was absolutely perfect and beyond beautiful.  Her name, we LOVE.  We are keeping it just as it is and calling her that.  Her eyes, SO BIG and brown, in fact, every other person we've showed pictures to comments on how they look like Ben's eyes.  Her complexion is so pure and smooth, and her hair, oh her hair!  Much more than I expected, big soft curls in some pictures and 4 little pig tails all over in others.  I haven't gone a day since the call not pouring over her pictures.  Memorizing every little detail.  Now we have a face, and a name, and she fits with us perfectly!  We are overjoyed and SO SO grateful for this little one.

Kirk's version: If you are looking for the ideal referral call story you aren’t going to find it here.  My family is out of town in New Mexico visiting family, and believe it or not we actually prayed that the referral not take place during this week (I know selfish/awful).  Well in God’s perfect timing, the referral did take place this week, and it was awesome. 

The call came to my cell phone at around 2:30pm on Friday July 22^nd.  We have summer hours at my office and I was trying to get out of work at a decent hour so I could study for my final.  Right before I was about to leave, I got pulled into a last minute meeting (conference call).  I was on the phone when the 817 area code popped up on my cell phone.  I gasped.  The person on the other end of the phone asked what was wrong with me.  I didn’t know what to say because I was on the phone with a customer and it was an important phone call.  I needed to be on the work call so I didn’t have to work all weekend.  So what did I do?  I pressed the mute button on my work phone, while the person on the other end of the phone continued to talk to me.  I then answered my cell phone and it was our case worker with our referral.  At this point I had 2 people talking to me in both ears.

The case worker had tried to get a hold of Becca but she was taking a nap and didn’t get to her phone.  Becca was at my folk’s house and I finally got my parents to wake her up.  I told the case worker to call Becca, and then to call me back in 20 minutes.  Well, I got a call back in 5 minutes and I had to tell them I needed more time to wrap up my meeting.  I know this sounds awful, but I wanted to finish my work so it wasn’t hanging over me all weekend.  I told the customer my predicament and I was finally able to finish my meeting.

Finally, Becca and I got on a conference call and then received the emails with the pictures and the story of our daughter.  I was nervous about this moment.  I saw the attachments and I was so anxious to open them.  What would she look like?  Would I care?  I finally opened the pictures, and all I can tell you is that she looks like a ROBBINS!  The Lord picked out the perfect child for us!  She is a beautiful 5-month old little girl.  Ever since I saw this little girl, those beautiful brown eyes of hers haven’t been able to leave my head.  

Referral!!!

we have a match made in heaven!  Met our beautiful baby girl today, 5 months old, big brown eyes, chubby cheeks, soft big culrs...she is adorable!  More to come...we are overjoyed!

celebrating our little man

here are some pictures from Rhett's little birthday celebration last week.  He had such a good time with friends.  He was especially excited about his cupcakes and the bubbles!

chasing bubbles will never get old

   

I got these cute cupcake toppers off of Etsy.

He got very embarrassed when we started singing 'happy birthday' to him and hid his face...

...then slowly, he couldn't help but revel in the excitement of the moment, and he peeked out to make a little blow of the candles!  And finally, a high five with dad!

he had been waiting for this moment all day...the eating of the cupcake

Love this kid.

Dear Rhett...

I have a confession.  The day I found out I was pregnant with you, I cried and cried (mostly out of pure shock and panic).  Shame on me.  And then, the day we found out you were a boy, I sobbed. and sobbed. and sobbed some more.  I sobbed and grieved for 3 days strait because in my heart I KNEW, I couldn't even talk on the phone. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to hear what anyone had to say.  Shame on me.

And then, on 7/8/09, at 8:11 pm, after the most beautiful labor and delivery, you were placed upon my chest and we met face to face.  And tears of happiness streamed down my face. Over a few months time, my sorrow and fear had slowly but surely been replaced with pure joy and unfathomable gratefulness.  What. A. Gift.

I love every little thing about you, from you head down to your toes.  I love that you love to laugh, even when I'm disiplining you.  I love that we share the title of snapdragons in a house full of sunflowers each morning until we've had our coffee and cereal.  I love that you're stubborn.  I love that I'm the only one that usually knows what you want because you are too stubborn to talk.  I love that you are FULL of life.  So, happy birthday little man, what a blessing these two years have been.  I can't imagine our family without you.  I love you!

mom