The other day G and I were in a store and she spotted some very sparkly, spangly purses. She ran over to them and picked one up and said "Wow! Look mom, isn't this sooooo dramatic?!??!" Yes, indeed it is G. :)
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The sparkle of my eye
Thursday, July 17, 2008
My happy package
I would like to write about my morning and share some of my thoughts. I don't and won't often get deep and personal on a public blog, but now and again, it's refreshing and therapeutic. And maybe it will help others understand me a little better. Anyways, it was one of those mornings. Kirk had been gone for 7 days, I was tired and unmotivated, the house was a mess, the kids were cranky, it was 10:30 am and I was still in my PJ's, sipping on my 4th cup of coffee...you get the idea.
The doorbell rang and I opened it to the FedEx van driving off and a HUGE box on my front porch. I immediately knew what it was. I had forgotten about this package coming, or rather, purposely put it in the back of my mind. I brought the box in and began to open it and go through it's contents. It was Ben's medicine. We've received his Factor in he mail many times before, but this box was different. This box marked the beginning of his prophylaxis, a preventative treatment for hemophiliacs. Beginning next week, Ben will be getting once-a-week infusions, every Friday. They will eventually increase to 2-3 times a week, most likely for the rest of his life. Now, I don't often talk about Ben's hemophilia other than with family, unless people ask, which I don't mind at all. I just don't want his hemophilia to define him. I don't want people to view him as different or be nervous around him. While it will always be a big part of him, it is very, very small compared to his personality, his character, his spirit and his sweet, sweet smile. But yet, I feel okay sharing about it today.
As I'm sorting through all of the syringes, butterfly needles, sharps container and such, I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and reality creep into me. Just last week, over the course of 2 days, Ben had a visit to the Children's hospital, two doctor's offices, five IV sticks (four of them in the head) and four shots. It was a lot, physically and emotionally, for a little 9 month old to handle and I feel like he is still recovering from the trauma. Now, starting next week, for the rest of his life he will have infusions. There is also a lot of paperwork and books and logs in the box and while I'm taking quick glances at it all I came across a small, bright yellow bag. It's titled "happy pack" on the outside. I opened it to find a little yellow and brown-spotted giraffe hand puppet. I put it on my hand and wiggled it, studying it. While it was a nice gesture on the health care company's part, I couldn't help but wonder, what was the purpose of this stupid thing? Was this supposed to make Ben happy while he was getting IV sticks? Was it supposed to distract him from the trauma? Would this dumb little puppet take away the the confusion, the hurt, the pain? I took the puppet off my hand and started sobbing.
After a good cry, I got over my little slump and went to get my Bible. Just the night before, a friend had given me a verse in regard to Ben and I had forgotten about it until then. God's timing is always so perfect. The verse was 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Wow. He is so good, so loving, so caring, so comforting. How can I be depressed for long? God made Ben in His own image, perfectly formed from head to toe. He knows every part of Ben's future and he knows him inside and out, more than I ever will.
Below I have posted a song that has always been one of my favorites. It has always reminded me of my childhood, innocence, summer evenings playing outside, comfort, and it reminds me of my dad. Now it also makes me think of my children and the cycle of life. I hope you enjoy listening to it and are reminded of some of your blessings.
Little Ben, I am so thankful for you, I am honored to be your mommy. You are my 'happy package.' And to me, you.are.perfect.
The doorbell rang and I opened it to the FedEx van driving off and a HUGE box on my front porch. I immediately knew what it was. I had forgotten about this package coming, or rather, purposely put it in the back of my mind. I brought the box in and began to open it and go through it's contents. It was Ben's medicine. We've received his Factor in he mail many times before, but this box was different. This box marked the beginning of his prophylaxis, a preventative treatment for hemophiliacs. Beginning next week, Ben will be getting once-a-week infusions, every Friday. They will eventually increase to 2-3 times a week, most likely for the rest of his life. Now, I don't often talk about Ben's hemophilia other than with family, unless people ask, which I don't mind at all. I just don't want his hemophilia to define him. I don't want people to view him as different or be nervous around him. While it will always be a big part of him, it is very, very small compared to his personality, his character, his spirit and his sweet, sweet smile. But yet, I feel okay sharing about it today.
As I'm sorting through all of the syringes, butterfly needles, sharps container and such, I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and reality creep into me. Just last week, over the course of 2 days, Ben had a visit to the Children's hospital, two doctor's offices, five IV sticks (four of them in the head) and four shots. It was a lot, physically and emotionally, for a little 9 month old to handle and I feel like he is still recovering from the trauma. Now, starting next week, for the rest of his life he will have infusions. There is also a lot of paperwork and books and logs in the box and while I'm taking quick glances at it all I came across a small, bright yellow bag. It's titled "happy pack" on the outside. I opened it to find a little yellow and brown-spotted giraffe hand puppet. I put it on my hand and wiggled it, studying it. While it was a nice gesture on the health care company's part, I couldn't help but wonder, what was the purpose of this stupid thing? Was this supposed to make Ben happy while he was getting IV sticks? Was it supposed to distract him from the trauma? Would this dumb little puppet take away the the confusion, the hurt, the pain? I took the puppet off my hand and started sobbing.
After a good cry, I got over my little slump and went to get my Bible. Just the night before, a friend had given me a verse in regard to Ben and I had forgotten about it until then. God's timing is always so perfect. The verse was 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Wow. He is so good, so loving, so caring, so comforting. How can I be depressed for long? God made Ben in His own image, perfectly formed from head to toe. He knows every part of Ben's future and he knows him inside and out, more than I ever will.
Below I have posted a song that has always been one of my favorites. It has always reminded me of my childhood, innocence, summer evenings playing outside, comfort, and it reminds me of my dad. Now it also makes me think of my children and the cycle of life. I hope you enjoy listening to it and are reminded of some of your blessings.
Little Ben, I am so thankful for you, I am honored to be your mommy. You are my 'happy package.' And to me, you.are.perfect.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Baseball game
Arkansas has a new minor league baseball team, the Naturals. Grace got to practice her pitching (she averaged a fast ball of 13 MPH...watch out Pettitte) and play on an inflatable obstacle course. She even got to give the Chicken mascot a hug. As if that weren't enough excitement, on the day we went, they happened to be playing the San Antonio Missions and their relief pitcher was a guy we went to high school with! It's no Coors Field or Yankee Stadium, but I have a feeling we'll be making frequent trips to the ballpark now.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Ridiculously Blessed!
After my morning work out, on the drive to work I heard a phrase on the radio that really resonated with me, “ridiculously blessed.” It seems as Americans we are constantly bombarded with the NEGATIVE! Whether it be gas prices, the stock market, the housing market, or the ongoing war in Iraq; we are always filled with bad news. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’d rather be filled with THE GOOD NEWS! Our family is one of many suffering from the housing market & gas prices, but what a blessing it is to own a home & be able to afford gas. I don’t imagine the gas prices or our housing situation to get better anytime soon. However, I was once told by a mentor, “What is the worst thing that could happen? How bad could it get? Is it your money or God’s money?” Ask yourself these questions, and then imagine those less fortunate here in the U.S. and around the world. No matter how bad things get we are ever so blessed to have heard THE GOOD NEWS. If it all ended tomorrow I’d have been RIDICULOUSLY BLESSED! Please remind me of that the next time I’m cranky!
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