"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3: 14-17
So much has been going on lately...in the world, in my community, with family and friends, and in my heart. We thought we'd have our referral by now. Due to some international circumstances in Ethiopia and with our agency, there has been a pause on international adoptions for the past few months. While the waiting and unknowns have been difficult at times, overall the pause was a huge blessing in disguise for my soul. (Things are now looking good and to be back on track). But God's timing is ever so perfect and I can see now He had some unfinished work to do with me before moving on to the next step! While I am usually guarded with what I share on here, take it for what it's worth if you're still reading, and thanks for the advanced mercy in my vulnerability.
Lately, things have settled down in our household. We've got the boy's hemophilia and treatments under control, we have good routines, no major changes or obstacles have come up that shake our world. Things have been pretty peaceful so to speak. And with that peace, God has been speaking. (Or maybe it's that with stillness I tend to be a better listener.) I've had some very intentional and meaningful conversations with Him lately and a good look back at the past four years. While reflecting, a lot of emotions (good and bad) have bubbled up inside over the circumstances of the past few years. It's like I've gotten to replay in slow motion all the stuff that's happened and critique it and really ask God what exactly He has been teaching me and just where to go from here with all of it. Wow! It's been bittersweet to say the least. Some definite spiritual growing pains going on.
In short, I've momentarily taken off my "mom" hat and sat at the feet of my Father, just being His child, letting Him nurture my soul and calm my fears. His throne has become a rocking chair where I've curled up on His lap and rested. He's shown me how He's been using my sons' free-flowing blood (literally) to shed a whole new light on the sacrifice of His Son's free-flowing blood. The parallels give me goose-bumps. This learning and growing time has been hard, but sweet, and I think it was definitely some stuff I needed to deal with before baby comes home.
This is a quote from Beth Moore that I just read this week in a study I'm currently doing and also a song from DCB that I've been meditating on, it literally brings me to tears and chokes me up lately when I listen to it, the lyrics are precious and pierce deep.
"I challenge you to grasp this truth: we will never be successful as parents to our children until we are successful at being children to our Heavenly Father."
