My happy package

I would like to write about my morning and share some of my thoughts. I don't and won't often get deep and personal on a public blog, but now and again, it's refreshing and therapeutic. And maybe it will help others understand me a little better. Anyways, it was one of those mornings. Kirk had been gone for 7 days, I was tired and unmotivated, the house was a mess, the kids were cranky, it was 10:30 am and I was still in my PJ's, sipping on my 4th cup of coffee...you get the idea.

The doorbell rang and I opened it to the FedEx van driving off and a HUGE box on my front porch. I immediately knew what it was. I had forgotten about this package coming, or rather, purposely put it in the back of my mind. I brought the box in and began to open it and go through it's contents. It was Ben's medicine. We've received his Factor in he mail many times before, but this box was different. This box marked the beginning of his prophylaxis, a preventative treatment for hemophiliacs. Beginning next week, Ben will be getting once-a-week infusions, every Friday. They will eventually increase to 2-3 times a week, most likely for the rest of his life. Now, I don't often talk about Ben's hemophilia other than with family, unless people ask, which I don't mind at all. I just don't want his hemophilia to define him. I don't want people to view him as different or be nervous around him. While it will always be a big part of him, it is very, very small compared to his personality, his character, his spirit and his sweet, sweet smile. But yet, I feel okay sharing about it today.

As I'm sorting through all of the syringes, butterfly needles, sharps container and such, I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness and reality creep into me. Just last week, over the course of 2 days, Ben had a visit to the Children's hospital, two doctor's offices, five IV sticks (four of them in the head) and four shots. It was a lot, physically and emotionally, for a little 9 month old to handle and I feel like he is still recovering from the trauma. Now, starting next week, for the rest of his life he will have infusions. There is also a lot of paperwork and books and logs in the box and while I'm taking quick glances at it all I came across a small, bright yellow bag. It's titled "happy pack" on the outside. I opened it to find a little yellow and brown-spotted giraffe hand puppet. I put it on my hand and wiggled it, studying it. While it was a nice gesture on the health care company's part, I couldn't help but wonder, what was the purpose of this stupid thing? Was this supposed to make Ben happy while he was getting IV sticks? Was it supposed to distract him from the trauma? Would this dumb little puppet take away the the confusion, the hurt, the pain? I took the puppet off my hand and started sobbing.

After a good cry, I got over my little slump and went to get my Bible. Just the night before, a friend had given me a verse in regard to Ben and I had forgotten about it until then. God's timing is always so perfect. The verse was 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." Wow. He is so good, so loving, so caring, so comforting. How can I be depressed for long? God made Ben in His own image, perfectly formed from head to toe. He knows every part of Ben's future and he knows him inside and out, more than I ever will.

Below I have posted a song that has always been one of my favorites. It has always reminded me of my childhood, innocence, summer evenings playing outside, comfort, and it reminds me of my dad. Now it also makes me think of my children and the cycle of life. I hope you enjoy listening to it and are reminded of some of your blessings.

Little Ben, I am so thankful for you, I am honored to be your mommy. You are my 'happy package.' And to me, you.are.perfect.

Baseball game

Arkansas has a new minor league baseball team, the Naturals. Grace got to practice her pitching (she averaged a fast ball of 13 MPH...watch out Pettitte) and play on an inflatable obstacle course. She even got to give the Chicken mascot a hug. As if that weren't enough excitement, on the day we went, they happened to be playing the San Antonio Missions and their relief pitcher was a guy we went to high school with! It's no Coors Field or Yankee Stadium, but I have a feeling we'll be making frequent trips to the ballpark now.

We had a wonderful 4th of July. Both of the kids enjoyed the fireworks. While Grace discovered how to catch fireflies, Ben discovered how to play in the sprinkler to keep cool!

Ridiculously Blessed!

After my morning work out, on the drive to work I heard a phrase on the radio that really resonated with me, “ridiculously blessed.” It seems as Americans we are constantly bombarded with the NEGATIVE! Whether it be gas prices, the stock market, the housing market, or the ongoing war in Iraq; we are always filled with bad news. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’d rather be filled with THE GOOD NEWS! Our family is one of many suffering from the housing market & gas prices, but what a blessing it is to own a home & be able to afford gas. I don’t imagine the gas prices or our housing situation to get better anytime soon. However, I was once told by a mentor, “What is the worst thing that could happen? How bad could it get? Is it your money or God’s money?” Ask yourself these questions, and then imagine those less fortunate here in the U.S. and around the world. No matter how bad things get we are ever so blessed to have heard THE GOOD NEWS. If it all ended tomorrow I’d have been RIDICULOUSLY BLESSED! Please remind me of that the next time I’m cranky!

Sweet Boy

Ben is officially 'cruising' around the house now (pulling himself up and walking while holding on to furniture). Therefore, we've had to pad him up! All he's missing is a skateboard. He's such a happy guy and his sister keeps him laughing. Today, his teachers at Mother's Day Out wrote on his paper:

"Ben enjoyed the Bible story today--he's the only one who even seemed interested." :)

Three cheers for summer!

Ready for the pool!

Fearless Grace

Grace on the water slide
Ben loves the pool too!

Ben at 8 months

Some milestone's for Ben this past month:

--He got his first tooth

--He's crawling, fast and furious

--He rolled off the bed....and thus,

--He finally found a good nurse who can infuse him

--He got the nickname in the nursery, "Busy Ben"

--He's trying to wave

"Sick & Tired of Being Sick & Tired!"

Some of you other parents please tell me when this ends?! We are getting NO SLEEP! When we had Grace, she was sleeping through the night at 9 weeks! We read all the books and followed all the tips and tricks. With the second (Ben), those tips and tricks have gone right out the window. If we let him cry it out G wakes up. If we let him cry it out he may hurt himself in his crib. We are such WEAK SUCKERS now! Consequently, we now get on average about 4 hours of sleep a night.

I've been trying to get up and work out @ 5am, and that is going horribly. I'm getting even less sleep! To top it all off, I've gained weight since I started working out. I keep telling myself that muscle weighs more than fat.

My how the tables have turned, when I married Becca I required very little sleep and she needed about 10 hours a night. I used to give her a hard time about how much sleep she needed, and how moody she was if she didn't get it (snap dragon). I have to say that my lovely wife has handled this lack of sleep A LOT better than her pathetic husband. If I didn't know any better I'd say that I'm PMSing. Needless to say, I'm sorry honey. For as much grief as I give my wife, she is a much stronger wife/mother than I could have EVER imagined.

PS-We have bunny ears on our TV, and so far it is totally worth it, but we'd still like to watch less of it.